Sometimes you may not know what to expect when it comes to dating a trans man. There are probably questions that you want to ask him, but aren’t sure how to approach the subject. Just like anyone else, trans men can and do get offended by certain questions, especially if they are inappropriate questions that are asked far too early in the relationship. Before you decide that dating a trans man is something that you want to do, make sure you avoid doing a few things that will definitely ended up causing him to lose interest in you.
Don’t Compare Him to a Butch Woman
A trans man is not a butch woman, and if you compare him to one, chances are you won’t like his response. Comparing a trans man is an insult to trans woman, not because there is anything wrong with butch woman, but because you are invalidating that they are men. A butch woman recognizes and identifies herself as a woman, while a trans man identifies himself as a man. To call him anything other than a man is seen as both hurtful and disrespectful.
If you’re not sure whether or not someone is a trans man or a butch woman, the best thing you can do is ask. While it may seem awkward or uncomfortable to you, he will definitely appreciate the fact that you asked. If you’re interested in someone that you think may be a trans man, and you’re unsure of how to ask, try to make things as basic and uncomplicated as possible. Simply ask him what his pronouns are. If think this may upset him, start by saying something like, “I hope this doesn’t offend you, but what are your pronouns?” Try to avoid saying something like, “What are you?” That’s just rude no matter how you look at it.
Treat Him Like Any Other Man
If things go well and you’re able to land a date with a trans man, you should treat him like you would any other man. Don’t try to avoid referring to him as common male pronouns like, ‘he’, ‘him’, or ‘his.’ Believe it or not, he will actually notice when you are constantly saying his name when talking about him with other people instead of saying, ‘he.’ Accept the fact that he is a man, and don’t worry about things like anatomy. A person’s gender isn’t determined by their reproductive organs.
If the notion of treating a trans man like any other man is difficult for you to grasp, you may not be ready to date one. If you want to know more before moving forward, your best option would be to talk to him, and find out what should and shouldn’t do to make sure he’s comfortable when he’s around you. Trans men understand that you may be confused about things, so they’re usually willing to answer your questions as long as they are appropriate and not offensive. It’s better to ask and risk a bit of awkwardness than to assume and end up upsetting him.
Dating a trans man isn’t difficult or complicated as long as you go into the relationship with an open mind. Listen to what he has to say because he is the only one who can explain his needs, wants, and desires. Don’t lump all trans men together in one category. They each have their own unique experiences. If you dated trans men in the past, don’t assume everything you did or said with them will apply with any other trans man that you date. You’ll avoid a lot of future problems if you do.